SJ Stephens: Most of my information initially came from firsthand accounts on disability-oriented Twitter, disability-oriented TikTok, and Instagram.
I was following The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) guidelines and updates on mpox, but there were three main accounts I specifically utilized:
I liked these resources because they confirmed that mpox is not an STI. It can be transmitted through sex, but that’s just one of the ways it can be transmitted – it’s not the only way. My significant other and I also learned a lot from TikToker Dr. Asher Williams.
I think of mpox being an STI in the same way that strep throat is an STI. They’re not STIs, but they can be transmitted during sex. The flu can be sexually transmitted as well! So yes, it’s not an STI, but it is a contact-based virus.
If anything, my concern has been less about sex and more about who I’m being physically intimate with in terms of clothing and sheets. Maybe you’re not having sex with somebody, but maybe there’s someone you’re sharing a bed with – if that person has mpox, it’s also a risk. Of course there are levels to it, and we have to be realistic about the fact that you’re not as likely to get mpox from shaking somebody’s hand. However, it is highly possible to get mpox if you’re spending extended amounts of time touching or sharing sheets with someone who has it.
I think we use the term safer sex practices because it’s about being safer, and safety means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Emotional safety is also important, but we don’t always talk about emotional safety in the context of generic safer sex practices like STI testing, barrier methods, pregancy testing, etc.
Safer sex practices can also look like:
Concerns about mpox do fit within the umbrella of safer sex practices, but lots of things do too – I think we just need to be more expansive in how we think about physical intimacy and safer sex practices overall.
It leaves us out in a way that’s dangerous to us, because we’re just as susceptible to mpox as cis people are. The CDC is reporting that mpox mainly affects cis gay men, cis bisexual men and transgender persons, but I find that it's not actually affecting those populations more – many people within the queer community are significantly more vigilant about getting tested than some cis-het populations are in the aftermath of the AIDS crisis.
As a trans non-binary person myself, I do sometimes align myself with manhood and trans maleness – it’s a little bit fluid for me. When getting the mpox vaccine, in that specific moment, I did decide to self-identify as a trans man when asked. Part of that is because it did feel right for me in the moment, but also out of fear. I was definitely worried about being denied on account of my biological sex and the gender that I live in.
Also, as a childcare worker, as somebody who works with children at my school, as somebody focusing on developmental psych and early education in college—Spoonieuniproject says, “queer people are not a danger to you or your children. Narratives that demonize queer people put queer adults, trans adults, and kids in harms way. If you care about your child’s safety, you should teach them about risks, and the precautions to take during a global health crisis without insinuating that any person's identity is to blame for a potential illness.”
I urge anybody who is eligible to jump on getting the vaccine as quickly as they can. The eligibility does vary by state, but I would say get on it – and don’t get on it just because you’re gay. Everyone should get on it if they can and if they’re eligible.
The fear-mongering that’s happening is harmful and dangerous and it's centered in homophobia and transphobia. However, I do think the government should be making a bigger deal about it in other ways. I don’t fault individual people for being misinformed about this virus, because the government has been doing a poor job of talking about it in a way that is real and not based in fear and homophobia.
I think transparency is important and also being firm in your boundaries. I’ve still been going on dates with people this month, but for my own personal preference, I’ve been limiting the dates I go on in LA. It’s definitely impacting the ways that I am dating, entering relationships and thinking about safer sex practices, but I don’t think anybody needs to be doing it the way I’m doing it.
What I would suggest to other people in polyamorous and non-monogamous dynamics is just be upfront with all of the people that you’re currently interacting with, and maybe even the people that you’re not currently physically interacting with. It’s a part of emotionally safer sex practices to be transparent about it.
Transparency is the main tip I would recommend to people in polyamorous dynamics – just like with Covid – so that people can make informed decisions about what boundaries they want to set.
Orginally Posted on August 21, 2022 on Jemsforall.com.
Adapted by Sexfluent.ca in partnership with Jems.
Follow Jems on Instagram and Sexfluent.ca on Instagram for more safer sex tips and guidance.